DamienvanHolten.com

5 common lies a web developer will tell you

Published on August 18th, 2009

This blog post is supposed to be funny. If you’re a web developer and it doesn’t strike you as funny after the first few lines you better stop reading or prepare to be annoyed.

1. This was how the functionality was described in the requirements

It probably wasn’t like that in the requirements. He either didn’t read the requirements or he was drunk (or both).

2. I have no problems with flexible hours

What the web developer means by this is that he has no trouble staying up till 4 AM playing Counter Strike. Work doesn’t necessarily come into this picture.

3. I could probably have this up and running within a day

He probably could, but it won’t work. If you get a breakdown from a web developer feel free to thank him and triple the hours he has given you for the actual planning. It’s not their fault, it’s just how they roll.

4. I’ll start on the documentation when development is finished

He won’t. Documentation is a pain for developers, they will have to write actual words (which can’t be generated by a script). You either get him to do the documentation at gun point or you won’t get any at all.

5. Development will be finished this week

Now, there’s a small chance this isn’t a lie. It depends on how many times you have heard this line before. Around the 3rd or 4th time it could be true. Most of the time it’s not.

Reader Comments (14)

Arno

August 18th, 2009

Luckily we never use real webdevelopers 😉

Maurits

August 19th, 2009

Title should be: How to recognize a real web developer…

so true

August 20th, 2009

dude thats so true.. and btw not only 4 web devs, release manager, vb/.net/java/.. coder..

Renan Viegas http://www.umpublicidade.com.br

August 20th, 2009

That’s because you never hired Um Publicidade. 😛

Prashanth

August 21st, 2009

Above all stmts are true, if client doesnt gives proper requirements and changes its requirements when development is in progress.

Adriana/LoveEvent http://loveevent.se

August 21st, 2009

Ha ha, so funny! 🙂 But a bit scary too, I’m just about to have a company get my web page up and running… *gulp*

Phoenix http://ashesanddunes.blogspot.com/

August 21st, 2009

hey that’s damn cool. I’ve been thinking of becoming one from sometime now…and after reading this, I think I already possess these qualities…so I guess I am well suited for it. 😀

Jason

October 19th, 2009

Most professional web developers would rarely fall into any of those problems. I am a budding web developer and I know that if any of those problems were common that both my business and reputation would greatly suffer. I hope there are not many web developers who get away with the above problems and are still successful.

Kevin Holesh http://kevinholesh.com

October 26th, 2009

I think you made a typo in this post’s title. It should have been:

“5 Common Lies I Will Tell You”

I’ve been working as a freelancer for a few years and have never said any of these. In fact, all of the designers I work with don’t work that way either. We enjoy what we do.

anna

March 22nd, 2010

I am a web developer, and your post is not ridiculous enough to be funny.

Mark http://www.nigrapevine.co.uk

April 25th, 2010

I can tell you that the above is almost the truth, Web developers lie more than 5 times infact, I have plenty of experience of developers who continuosly lie through their teeth, it’s true what they say tomorrow never comes. Why can’t developers be straight with you? do they not feel embarrassed at the amount of lies that they are telling, I mean it’s blatantly obvious. I think they may have skin thicker than a Rhino’s. From my experience Never, Never Pay until the results are there.. NEVER!

Damien van Holten http://www.reaact.net

April 25th, 2010

@Mark
This post is really more of a joke then a serious warning from developers. However, there are a few bad apples out there destroying the market for the rest of us.

Mark http://www.nigrapevine.co.uk

May 4th, 2010

To Damien Van Holten
Ok if this isn;t a serious post then where do we post serious comments about web developers, I mean they should be named and shamed, especially if they are hurting the web development industry and taking money from people who are then helpless when everything is going wrong. I am serious about the possibility of taking legal action against the first developer of my site, i’m just waiting on advice from my Solicitors.

Kirill http://www.kirillfuchs.com

May 23rd, 2012

I do freelance web development and I lol’d pretty hard.

My favorite is #2 “I have no problems with flexible hours”

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